7/9/05 I will not be seeing Tori today. It upsets me to not be with her at least once a week. I think about her every day, happy memories and worries. It is just not right that a little girl should be so unhappy, and have such problems. I also can't wait for her to start school again. Three more weeks. I am glad that she has a habilitator, can leave the house and have other places to go and people to be with. But, I just wish things were right with her in her own home. I rarely see her problems. She is too busy at my house. And then, she is home by 4PM, so I do not see the meltdown time, and I do not see the problems she and her family are having. I can imagine it though. A child that is too tired, too something. I left a message on my son's work phone, suggesting that she put on her heavy coat and dark glasses, as that might help. I always put my little unhappy child in a bath of bubbles. He kicked and kicked, and splashed water everywhere, but he was usually able to get it out of his system. Also, his father would lie down next to him and rub his back, and that helped, too. I definitely know that he would not do what I wanted him to do. I had to change my life, my thoughts and behaviors, to work with his. I had to be VERY flexible, yet very structured. It worked in the end, but what a life that was. I will always remember this very religious woman, who had six kids in a row. She said to me that if he were her first child, she never would have had any other children. I didn't realize how different he was from other children, but obviously, others did. I believed in thinking positive thoughts... the best, back then, and I believe it even more so now. So, with Tori, I believe that she is very bright and gifted, therefore would need special care and direction.