This is just beautiful!!!
Autism: A window on the world. Posted by the Asbury Park Press on 01/8/06, BY CHRIS COLLINS.
LITTLE SILVER Our daughter, Nikki, is the second of three children. Born in 1995, Nikki is a strikingly beautiful little girl with a very charismatic personality. We call her the "air that we breathe" as a family.Nikki is our 10-year-old daughter. We learned about seven years ago she is autistic.When Nikki was born, I immediately noticed something very different about her. Although difficult to explain, mostly it was her lack of eye contact and evasiveness toward me — her father — and anyone else other than her mother. My wife, Eileen, to this day will swear that she thought it was simply motherly bonding with a little girl who felt most secure in her mother's arms.The strange behavior became more apparent as Nikki grew older; however, she hit all the normal milestones of a 2-year-old child.Just after Nikki turned 2, and driven by emotional frustration, I took another day off work and accompanied my wife to yet another doctor's appointment with another so-called specialist. This was after several doctor's visits, none of which gave us a conclusive answer as to Nikki's problems, and some that led us to dead ends.This time we set out to once and for all find out why my daughter had so many strange and intriguing characteristics — why she displayed such unsociable behavior and how she was so incredibly bright on so many levels despite what seemed to be some kind of disorder.In the doctor's office that day, I made an attempt to take control of the meeting, and as the doctor was examining Nikki, I looked him in the eye, and in a very authoritative (read: angry dad-like) voice, I said, "Doctor, it is about time someone tells us exactly what is wrong with my daughter as I am tired of so-called "specialists' and "experts' dancing around what is clearly some kind of disorder."The doctor looked me back in the eye as if I were crazy, as if I should have known very well what he was about to say.With far more authority than my question had, the doctor said, "Mr. Collins, your daughter is autistic."Those words went through my wife and me like a sharp knife to the midsection. I had no response and felt completely numb. My wife looked as numb as I did.I was unable to have any clear thoughts at that time. I did know that what the doctor had just said was, in fact, a life sentence. I knew that his words had just changed my life and the life of my family forever. What do we do? I can recall leaving the doctor's office that day; my wife and I said very little. We carried on as if it were a normal routine doctor's visit. In the car, the first words that I said to my Eileen were, "Where do you want to go for lunch?"The subsequent days and weeks were filled with a lot of self-pity, confusion and fear of what the future had in store for Nikki and our family. What did this all mean? This is not what I had planned for our lives.Shortly after that day, my wife and I made a decision in very casual fashion: We were going to pursue the same path of happiness that we planned on our wedding day. We were going to treat Nikki exactly as planned. We were going to continue to enjoy all the things in life that we promised ourselves that we would enjoy, and Nikki would be part of every minute of it.What we did not know at the time was just how unbelievably special Nikki was and the profoundly positive effect that she was going to have on our lives and the lives of anyone who has had the pleasure of getting to know Nikki, getting to understand the special characteristics of autism. Lessons During the last seven-plus years, we have learned more about love, appreciation and the things that really matter in life than we could have ever imagined. Nikki is an amazing human being who teaches very strong lessons each and every day.One very significant characteristic of autism is that she only sees the world in a literal sense. There is no sarcasm, exaggeration, substitution or lies. Everything is what it is, and what a wonderful influence and lesson that has been for our family.One recent day, while on vacation, my wife and I were casually talking about the possibility of every finding a cure for autism. My 12-year-old son, Christopher, quickly interrupted and with tremendous conviction and emotion said, "I hope not. I want Nikki to stay exactly the way she is."We as a family have no illusions and do not labor in the belief of a miracle cure. My wife and I know it is a very difficult road ahead. Every day brings new challenges in the world of autism.Nikki will most likely live with us for the rest of our lives. She will never have close friends or ever be interested in the fun things that are so important to little girls.We know that the stares and the embarrassment over her peculiar behavior in public places will be there forever. We know that every public venture or event could have the potential for unknown adventure.We also know that having Nikki has been a gift that far exceeds anything that we could have ever hoped for in life. Perspective Although a major characteristic of autism is the need for sameness, a day does not go by that Nikki does not do or say something new that makes us stop and think about how special her perspective on her surroundings is.She's a little girl who loves Christmas but couldn't care less about gifts. It's the lights, the decorations and the warmth that she feels in the house that make her so happy. One year it took until June for her to open the last of her Christmas presents.As a family, we have chosen to appreciate that gift and live our lives, thankful every day for an autistic child to be part of our lives. We have made the conscious decision that we would not let autism slow us down, but rather allow it to make the ride of life more rewarding.